Sunday, March 25, 2007

Octopus vulgaris

I noticed a pair of octopi, roosting in the large oak behind our garden.
This maybe good news, last year we had a couple of squids, nesting in our hawthorn, but the magpies got their baby, so they didn't return this year.
I know the common octopus is nor usually found this far north in the spring and is usually seen in Kent only, but I guess that's global warming for you...
Anyway, I was so delighted, I wrote a poem about them...


A lovely pair of Octopi
were roosting in a tree
and it was not just any tree,
it was a tree near me.

Whenever they held tentacles
they seemed, at dusk at least,
to be one hexadecapus,
if there was such a beast.

When baby octopus was born
they did look to the eye
like one Duodecaquadropus
or two Dodecapi.

I'm not too good at math, you know
'cos this is what I see,
when I look at that mess up there:
Spaghetti in a tree.

Sunday, March 11, 2007


So here is one of the arty things I'm working on
This here drawing, which has palindromes written all over it, and a nude from behind, will be mounted in a frame with a double sided mirror placed in the middle of it, so you actually get 3 prints for the rice of one.
I will fiddle around with the actual palindromes I use in the final, as I have just discovered some corkers...
Anyway, the video should explain things a bit better...

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Silly Poetry:


There was a girl called Mary-Ann,
who married quite a hairy man,
with hairy chest and hairy back,
and very hairy scrotal sack.

But what most people never knew,
was, that she was quite hairy too.
With hairy legs and hairy pits,
map of Tasmania and tits.

They married in a hairy way,
in a small church in Haringey.
The wedding feast was bean compote,
the beans, of course, were haricot.

Their house in Harwich by the sea,
was wee downstairs and upstairs wee,
but first below and then above,
they took to making hairy love,

both reaching hairy pleasure peaks,
and after forty hairy weeks,
the birth looked like a hairy 'un
so they chose a cesarean.

The little runt, who's name was Paul,
was born without a hair at all.
Despite his parents hope for hairs
on Paul they did remain quite scarce.

But luckily at twenty five,
he bumped into his future wife.
A lovely scotch girl called Alicia,
with full blown adult Alopecia.

Despite their bodies shiny buff,
adventures, they did have enough,
which, I admit, should all be told,
if only more things rhymed with bald...

Friday, March 09, 2007

And another one

Sorry but you will only get this one if you are familiar with the advertising campaign of a British supermarket chain that specializes in deep frozen food.

Single parent family:

Age: 35
Hight: 6 foot 2 inches
Built: athletic
Job: Biologist
Name: Fjalar Stef√°nsson

That's why mum's gone to Iceland

New Poems

Just spent a week in Suffolk trying my old motorbike out on roads that are not straight and more than 200 yards long. There are castles everywhere and in the evenings (we stayed in an old forge which still had the bellows and tools in it) I revived my habit of writing insane poetry. So here is a new one called:

Police report with SFX

At eight fifteen in the morning
Tick tock
after leaving his lover,
fick fock
who's hair he was fond of kissing
lick lock
and who he had treated to a candlelit chinese meal the previous night
wick wok
he was asked by a mugger for his money
pick pock
and when he failed to take the request seriously
mick mock
found himself on the floor, savagely assaulted
kick cock
the only thing on his mind being that he hadn't changed his footwear since yesterday...
sick sock
...and what sort of impression would that make on the emergency services.

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Chinese propaganda poster

Hello all you patient ones...
I am sitting at home battling with my creative demons on a daily basis now...
It's surprisingly difficult trying to reinvent the way one draws...and while I'm still afraid of the blank paper, I do think vectors are my friends.
Today, as a byproduct of my attempt to sketch the erotic relationship between a lady diver (not Lady Godiva) and an octopus, I inadvertantly sketched a portrait of Miss Hathorn, the lady I share a toothbrush with...
I think this sums her up quite nicely and from her reaction I gather she is not entirely displeased...
I will probably turn this into a painting of some sort and when I do, I will post that as well, shamelessly exploiting the same artwork twice...
Also , as of tomorrow, you can see my little fingers doing Riverdance© for St patricks day.
If Guinness doesn't put it on Youtube, I will...
See you there...